Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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