happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
