if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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