I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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