just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
