ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
