I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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