I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
