I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
