i may or may not be watching the land before time
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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