ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
