yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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