dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
