remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bring money and cleavage
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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