This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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