how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
