please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize