He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
