I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
