I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
