awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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