i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize