He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
