I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i think my cat just said my name.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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