youre lurking in front of me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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