so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
