So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
