You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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