Princesses don't give blow jobs
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
