i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
how drunk are you?
Several
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
