I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
