Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
