i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
