Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
