I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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