you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
