Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize