Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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