I accidentally had phone sex last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
a search helicopter?!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
