my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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