hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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