I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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