Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
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