My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
