i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
