Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
