ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
do nipples grow back?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
