Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
