At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
