I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I won the penis lottery.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is my gift to your gina
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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