You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
