so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
