Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
