I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
