You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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