I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
