take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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