I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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