So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
