Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
