i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
