she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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