Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
