proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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